Is Couples or Marriage Counselling For You?

If your marriage relationship has become a source of stress, rather than a source of support
then YES marriage counselling is something you should seriously consider.

As a couples and marriage counsellor, I help people who are having problems in their relationships such as the following:

• arguing constantly

• struggling over how to discipline your children

• fighting over money

• feeling criticized or misunderstood

• feeling cold and distant

• avoiding your partner or feeling like he or she is avoiding you

• taking your partner for granted or feeling taken for granted

• dissatisfying sex life

Through couples or marriage counselling, I work with couples helping them gain the skills
necessary to develop a supportive relationship that will last a lifetime.

You’re likely to be successful working with me if you are ...

• able to accept that all couples have their differences – it is not your differences that
  will determine the success of your marriage, but how you handle them.

• motivated to learn the knowledge and skills required to make your marriage work.

• committed to learning new ways of interacting with your partner.

• willing to embrace change – the marriage vow is a promise to stay married, not to
  stay the same.

• ready to invest the required time to improve your marriage relationship and work
  towards living “happily ever after.”
  

If the above description sounds like you give me a call and together we can work to turn
your marriage into a “happily ever after” story.

Call today for a free, no obligation, 20 minute phone consultation. We will discuss your problems and together decide how I might be able to help you with marriage or couples counselling.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Advice For Unhappy Spouses – Strengthen Your Marriage With Laughter

April 2020 | Author Jean E. MacKenzie

A local radio station runs a daily trivia contest. Recently the question they posed to listeners was, “What is it that children do 400 times a day that adults do only 15 times a day?” The correct answer; laugh. I don’t know if this statistic includes people who spend their days with children. I often find myself laughing along with my children (even when what they’re laughing at doesn’t seem all that funny) just because their laughter is so contagious. All the same, I don’t think I would find myself reaching the 400 laughs a day mark.

So, where along the way do we lose our sense of humour? Certainly the responsibilities and concerns we must shoulder as adults are much greater than that of children, but do our worry and seriousness help us shoulder these burdens better? If laughter is the best medicine, should we not work harder to foster a sense of humour in ourselves?

One of the great burdens of adulthood for many is relationship problems. It can be very painful when your spouse, who is supposed to be a source of support and fulfilment, is a source of conflict and stress. How do you maintain a sense of humour while dealing with the difficulties of a strained relationship? Well, again, maybe laughter is the best medicine. Maybe in those moments when we don’t know whether to laugh or cry, we need to choose laughter more often. Not that laughter can solve all of your problems. However, perhaps a little levity in your relationship will strengthen the bond of friendship and give you the strength to work on the deeper issues.

Laughter releases stress-reducing chemicals into your brain, which can enhance your day and improve your health, but what does that have to do with relationships.

Well:

Laughter and humour relieve tension, lift spirits, and bring couples closer together.

Laughter creates a greater sense of connection between people.

Using gentle humour often helps you tackle sensitive subjects, resolve disagreements, and reframe problems.

A sense of humour is the key to resilience. It helps you take hardships in stride, weather disappointment, and bounce back from adversity and loss.

The use of humour helps to put things into perspective.

Humour can help you to be more creative in your problem-solving.

Humour helps you to be more spontaneous, let go of defensiveness, release inhibitions, and express your true feelings, which can all benefit your relationship.

It makes sense that a sense of humour can improve your marriage, but what if you don’t have a sense of haha. How do you regain a lost sense of humour? My suggestion: Ask an expert. Surely you can learn something from someone who laughs 400 times a day.

When asked, “What role does humour play in the life of a pope?” Pope Benedict replied,

“I’m not a man who constantly thinks up jokes. But I think it’s very important to be able to see the funny side of life and its joyful dimension and not to take everything too tragically. I’d also say it’s necessary for my ministry. A writer once said that angels can fly because they don’t take themselves too seriously. Maybe we could also fly a bit if we didn’t think we were so important.”

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could all learn to fly in our relationships!

Effective Time Outs

March 2020 | by Jean MacKenzie

Did you know that when a person becomes angry chemicals and hormones are released that can affect the way the brain processes information?  For this reason, it can be a good idea to call a time out when arguments get heated.   A time out is a scheduled break you agree upon with your partner ahead of time so that if touchy issues come up, you get stuck, or an argument is escalating out of control, you can say, “Time-out,” and create a little separation.

Time outs can have their problems though.  One of these is that if one person walks away from an argument without making a commitment to return to the issue at hand their partner can feel rejected and like their concerns are seen as unimportant.  Another problem is that if time outs are called but the couple never returns to the issues to resolve them resentment builds up causing a lot of tension in the relationship.

An effective time out is one where you 1) Explain to your partner that things are getting too heated and you need a break to calm down, 2) Set a time to revisit the issue at hand and 3) Follow through and discuss the issue when you are both able to talk calmly and reasonably.

The best way to ensure that you will use a time out when one is needed is to make sure you have an agreement worked out ahead of time.  Don’t wait until you’re in the heat of an argument to decide on the ground rules for a time out.  Sit down together now and develop a plan, so when the need arises you’ll be able to implement your plan effectively.

When the time comes make sure you clearly state that you are executing a time out.  You may want to state that you are too angry or defensive to think rationally right now or too upset to listen attentively, but make sure you make it clear that you are taking a time out.  The couple must then agree on a specific time and place to revisit the issue before parting ways.

Taking time outs can help to defuse arguments before they get out of hand.  If you and your spouse can learn to recognize when things are beginning to escalate, you can use time outs to keep things from progressing to the point where you say hurtful things that you will later regret.  So, if one or both of you tend to get too hot under the collar every once and a while and important issues get shoved aside, as a result, sit down and come up with a time out plan.  It may be just the tool you need to bring some peace and resolution to your relationship.