March 2020 | by Jean MacKenzie
Did you know that when a person becomes angry chemicals and hormones are released that can affect the way the brain processes information? For this reason, it can be a good idea to call a time out when arguments get heated. A time out is a scheduled break you agree upon with your partner ahead of time so that if touchy issues come up, you get stuck, or an argument is escalating out of control, you can say, “Time-out,” and create a little separation.
Time outs can have their problems though. One of these is that if one person walks away from an argument without making a commitment to return to the issue at hand their partner can feel rejected and like their concerns are seen as unimportant. Another problem is that if time outs are called but the couple never returns to the issues to resolve them resentment builds up causing a lot of tension in the relationship.
An effective time out is one where you 1) Explain to your partner that things are getting too heated and you need a break to calm down, 2) Set a time to revisit the issue at hand and 3) Follow through and discuss the issue when you are both able to talk calmly and reasonably.
The best way to ensure that you will use a time out when one is needed is to make sure you have an agreement worked out ahead of time. Don’t wait until you’re in the heat of an argument to decide on the ground rules for a time out. Sit down together now and develop a plan, so when the need arises you’ll be able to implement your plan effectively.
When the time comes make sure you clearly state that you are executing a time out. You may want to state that you are too angry or defensive to think rationally right now or too upset to listen attentively, but make sure you make it clear that you are taking a time out. The couple must then agree on a specific time and place to revisit the issue before parting ways.
Taking time outs can help to defuse arguments before they get out of hand. If you and your spouse can learn to recognize when things are beginning to escalate, you can use time outs to keep things from progressing to the point where you say hurtful things that you will later regret. So, if one or both of you tend to get too hot under the collar every once and a while and important issues get shoved aside, as a result, sit down and come up with a time out plan. It may be just the tool you need to bring some peace and resolution to your relationship.